suicidal

At the age of 15 i laughed or just hate the person who tried to kill themselves or just hate those people who cut themselves.Now at the age of 16 i cut myself and I have suicidal feelings.Why do i have this kind of feelings?Im 16 and i want to live my life but why because of my surroundings i became suicidal.I started looking up about my depression but nothing could help.I seek for GOD. it was gone but then it cameback. I cut again and again.Untill i didn't feel anything and just seeing those scars on my hand.I hated my life ,my school,my friends(some),I felt unwanted.I felt like this world was so cruel and no oxygen could actually help me.I was drownning deep down in the ocean.I was hopeless.Nothing nothing can help me. Why i'm like this because i tried so hard to impress you and to be a good friend.I tought you were different but you are just the same.It hurts knowing the person you care and love actually hates you deep down.